The Day my Boy became a Man

Toby had manly day today.

It started at lunch when he chose to eat ribs over pablam. He ate them down by the fistful. HE wasn’t at all deterred by the hot BBQ sauce either- - whenever he got a particularly potent piece he merely clenched his eyes shut and slapped his face repeatedly until the discomfort passed and then kept going.

Manly.

THEN – when our trip to the library today was foiled by mom’s faulty internet-reading-capabilities, Toby declined my suggestion of the park for the (rare) opportunity to sit on the curb and watch cars and trucks go by.

Manly.

He even waved at them.

Manly.

That is, until they responded with a honk of the horn which scared him.

Not so manly.

Perhaps his manliest move of the day was the discovery of his new hobby : bum scratching. Full on, hand in the diaper, I-know-you’re-reading-me-a-story-right-now-but-man-my-ass-is-itchy-and-damn-it-feels-good-to-keep-my-hands-down-here-MANLINESS.

And, to top it all off, this move has also gained him a new “look”. See above. Because when you live to scratch your bum, diapers become REALLY cumbersome, but if you wear them halfway DOWN your bum at all times, it allows for easier access.

My post was SUPPOSED to end here tonight. But old Cracker-pants Toby threw a fast one on me tonight. Just before bedtime, right after Rob had LEFT for soccer, Toby reached down for one more SCRATCH before bedtime and triumphantly pulled out a huge pile of poop. Which he then smeared onto my face.

I won’t tell you what he did NEXT with it because if for some reason he ever READS this post when he’s older I don’t want him yelling at me afterwards, YOU WROTE IN YOUR BLOG THAT YOU LET ME EAT SHIT!?!?! So I’ll skip that part.

Suffice it to say we had some cleanin’ up to do.

He then ended his day in the MANLIEST of all ways - -marching around the house in a shirt and no pants or underwear on, genitals swinging, while swigging from a bottle of the hard stuff – well water. And then he peed on he floor.