Mia's Daycare Woes

My little Mia is charming us and breaking our hearts at the same time.  Although earlier this weekend I got to portray her feisty self as she one-upped her brother, the softer side of her has been putting our family through even greater emotional turmoil lately as we all struggle to help her through her latest ordeal.  It has come as a great shock to ALL of us that our outgoing, social and fun-loving little girl hates and despises the thing she was so excited to love: daycare.

 I give her props for being consistent – I imagine it’s difficult to be absolute in your emotions when you are a dithering 2 year old.  Mia never wavers: she absolutely, consistently and dramatically LOATHES going to daycare. 

We send her to the same place that Toby went; it is a wonderful, loving and enriching atmosphere and she goes for 2 half mornings a week.  TWO HALF mornings.  As in a 4 hours stint.  TWICE in a week.  It’s like, 6.75% of her total week.  Nevertheless, it’s as if we send her off to an inexhaustible torture chamber the way she carries on at the slightest mention of it.

 The first few weeks we took it as a given; every kid cries initially when they start daycare.  By the third week we softened a bit and started to feel badly – Rob and I each started trying to get out of having to take her.  By this week even TOBY is heartbroken by her sad lamentations on daycare mornings.

This morning as soon as Rob opened the door to her room she burst into tears, “MIA DON’T WANT TO GO TO DAYCARE TODAY!!!”  The wailing continued for 20 minutes.  Rob tried to empathize and hug her tears away.  He tried distracting her with breakfast and exciting plans for the week ahead.  He tried encouraging her to be brave.  Finally he put his foot down and demanded that she stop wailing.

 Nothing worked.

Finally, about 20 min later, a distraction came in the form of a task.  Mia loves to be helpful so when I told her we had to go wake Toby up she perked up slightly.  When Rob told her she could jump on him to wake him up she even paused her dramatic sniffles to accompany me downstairs. 

Poor Toby was fast asleep when his despondent little sister accosted him with a giant full body jump.  NO one likes to be woken up – ESPECIALLY not Toby and ESPECIALLY not with a full body drop kick from his little sister.

“MIA!!! I’m not in the MOOD for you to JUMP on me yet!!!” he said with his eyes still closed and his pillow over his head.

Mia, as you can imagine, sat down and burst into tears.

I explained to Toby that Mia, although TRYING to be brave, was not happy about it being a daycare day.  He digested this for a moment before gallantly joining the family in our attempt to help her out.

“OK, Mia” he said with his pillow still over his head an his eyes still firmly shut, “I’m ready for you to jump on me, now!!!”  Through tears she accepted the challenge and immediately dove on top of him, quickly turning what would normally have been a competitive full-body flail into a comforting hug.  Toby lovingly reciprocated before throwing the pillow off of his eyes and graciously announcing ”Mia, look!  You woke me up!”  Mia actually GIGGLED at this and for a brief moment this morning all was right in our world.

The moment of happiness was fleeting; soon we had to get dressed, fed and have our teeth brushed with the eventual destination hanging over our heads like a gloomy cloud.  Mia cried through it all despite Toby’s further attempts to cheer her with stickers, promises and more hugs.   By the time we arrived at daycare even Toby was close to tears.

“Mommy…it makes me so sad to hear Mia crying!” he sniffled to me after we dropped her off.  It had been a hard morning for all of us.  By 8:15 am this morning I was an emotional mess myself, waffling somewhere between the pride I felt for my loving and giving son and the sadness and confusion I had for my poor lost little girl.

I certainly hope she gets used to daycare soon – for ALL of our sakes!

Daily Competitions in the Henry Household...

Mia always likes to one-up Toby.  It’s not an easy task with Toby not only being 3 years older than her but also being athletic AND a fierce competitor.  Whether it’s getting to the bathroom first to brush their teeth or racing around the driveway the fastest on their plasma cars, Mia doesn’t let Toby’s edge ever dissuade her from a good race.

The other night we were at the dinner table discussing Toby’s newest favourite thing about school: French class.  He told me that his teacher had taught him a new song called “Bonjour mes amis” and then proceeded to sing it to me.  I clapped loudly and enthusiastically, encouraging his linguistic aptitude before having my hands YANKED away from me by a very competitive Mia.  She took me face in her hands and turned it towards her so she could be sure to have my 100% undivided attention so she could tell me that SHE, TOO had been taught a new song at school.

“Oh, yes, Mia” I said having no choice BUT to turn my attention to her, “What song did YOU learn today?”

 Whatever bit of my attention she hadn't captured by holding my face in her hands she sure got with her answer, 

“Venga los Amigos!” she stated triumphantly in a perfect Spanish accent.

I don’t know WHERE Mia is being taught songs in SPANISH but she sure knows how to one-up her brother! 

Mia's Baby Renaming Project

I don’t know what it is about kids going to daycare that brings on the whole gender confusion issue…I remember it happening with Toby; it has happened again with Mia.

Yesterday morning we had an unexpected sleep in.  It wasn't the blue moon impossible scenario of BOTH kids sleeping past 7am on the EXACT SAME MORNING.  (I am a staunch believer that that does NOT happen unless your kids are drugged or you have a miraculous parental horseshoe up your bum.) No, it wasn’t a sleep in because of our kids; it was s sleep in INSPITE of our kids.  Because somehow, with the first few weeks of school under our belts, we parents were just SOOOO tired that, no matter how hard Mia screamed, we just didn’t hear her until 7:30.

As you can imagine with Mia, she had taken her 30 min of solitary abandonment to reorganize her crib.  And by the time we finally realized our mistake and RUSHED in to get her, she smiled up at us quite contentedly,  proudly announcing that she had officially renamed all of her babies.  We both took our turns listening attentively and getting reacquainted.

As you may recall, Mia’s baby naming skills, up to this point, have been less than impressive.  IN fact, I would venture to call them predictable, banal and generally erroneous.  Today, her new names were actually no longer predictable or banal, but I hate to say – still (possibly) erroneous?  The verdict is still out on that one…

I can’t remember what big baby was renamed but little baby (the big one that smells like baby powder and is wearing a dainty pink sleeper) is now called “William”

Hmm…I said after an hour of insistence and consistency on Mia’s part,
“Do you know someone named William at daycare, Mia?”

“Oh, yes, “ she said proudly, “There’s a girl named William at Daycare.”

That was, in no doubt, true.  I also learned some other facts about William. “She” is in Erin’s group, is older than Mia, has long hair and often sits beside Mia at circle time.  William likes to play on the plasma cars and wears running shoes.  You know – all of the pertinent details.

Unraveling the mystery of Mia’s daycare life takes me back to one of the pillars of Socratic thinking: wisdom is knowing how little we know.  (I KNEW that CLS 225 class at Queens would eventually come in handy!!) Although we now know a child named “William” exists at daycare it brings up a whole host of questions: who IS this William child?  Is she really female with really cool parents who are pushing the whole “naming your girl a traditionally male name makes her kick butt” boundaries or is Mia just really bad at distinguishing boys from girls?  Instead of teaching her colours and numbers should we instead have spent more time focusing on gender differentiation strategies?  And if this is the case HOW do we correct this innate flaw without resorting to basic gender stereotypes?

I am pleased to say that this whole experience has taught me that Mia has a great sense of tenacity.  The more we ask, the stronger her conviction about little baby’s name change to William.  And I have to say- it has actually grown on me…maybe one day I will actually have a granddaughter named William.  If she’s anything like her boundary-pushing-stereotype-shredding-Mama she’s go

My Grown-Up Senior Kindergarten-er

Today was Toby’s first day of Senior Kindergarten.

It was an exciting day and contrasted greatly with the first day of kindergarten LAST year when I was forced to abandoned him while he stood destitute in the middle of the yard, ostensibly the ONLY kid who didn’t have anyone to play with.  Today he leapt away from me and into a fast paced game of “tag/hug your friend/run away from the girls” that took off from right where they had left it at 3pm on June 28^th of this year…

I won’t pretend that Toby didn’t have ANY first day jitters; on the way into town he talked my ear off about random things (as he does when he’s nervous) and finally paused for a thoughtful second to say “My stomach feels a little weird today, Mommy, but Don’t worry I’m being TOBY THE BRAVE because I’m in SENIOR kindergarten today.”

My stomach LURCHED forward at the mere mention of the name.

I remember VIVIDLY the last time he had been referred to as “Toby the Brave”; it was while he was intubated on life support in the ICU of Sick Kids Hospital.  He was the tiny little 10month old version of himself, clinging desperately to his life, and had just endured a chest tube placement earlier that day to drain the fluid that was collecting in his lungs.  We turned on a Shania Twain song that he loved and my mom noticed him tapping his little toes to the beat.

 We called him Toby the Brave because it was the best way we knew how to explain the complex emotions that set into motion at the mere glimpse of our little boy returning.  It was the first time we had any sense of relief since the whole ordeal had begun.  It was our way of selfishly projecting onto him the strength it had taken all of us to endure those crucial first few days.  We called him Toby the Brave because it was the first reminder we had of his spark, his love of life, and his love of Shania Twain.  Our Toby was coming back to us…

So you can imagine how out of context and ridiculously EXTREME the innocent remark he made had impacted me.  I ALMOST turned around to correct him and say, “Oh, come ON kid, it’s just KINDERGARTEN” when I realized that it was, ACTUALLY, a rather normal, insightful and perhaps commendable thing to say on your way to your first day of senior kindergarten.

So instead I took a deep breath and thanked the IPod God of last week that Shania Twain wasn’t spontaneously playing on the radio that day.

After my full day of anticipation, the 3pm pick up was anticlimactic.  He greeted me with his usual sweet enthusiasm and all the sparcity of information that I have come to expect of my 5 year old.  As we sat eating our celebratory first day DQ ice cream cone he did make one comment that struck me…

“Mommy…” he said licking his ice cream cone, “One of the teachers today had PURPLE on THIS Part of her eyes” (he pointed his sticky fingers to his eyelids). 

“Yes,” I explained, “Those are your eyelids and that would have been eye shadow.  Do you think it looked pretty?”

“Nah…” he said with a casual offhandedness I would expect from a teenager, “I just thought it looked WEIRD…and SEXY.”

That's TWICE in one day his words stopped me dead in my tracks!  If I have been struck by ANTHING today it’s the simple fact that SENIOR kindergarten kids sure are grown up..and man it happens fast!!!

Mia's First Week of Daycare...and an astounding coincidence on the Elliptical

This week marked Mia’s first week of daycare.  It was a big week for ALL of us: Rob and I mourned the graduation of our baby to the next stage, Mia FINALLY got to put a back pack on and “go to school” like her idolized big brother, and Toby got a few mornings to have our nanny Shelly all to himself…

Monday morning arrived and Mia bounced out of her crib, eager to go.  She wolfed down her breakfast, raring to get her backpack on and be out the door.  We had PLANNED for Rob to take her at 8:15 but her eagerness tugged on my maternal heartstrings so I decided to take her myself.  By the time we had her dressed, sun screened, fed, appropriately photographed and ready to go…it was still only 7:50.

(I can’t believe I am going to write this next sentence in a blog about my kids…)

And so we were out the door much earlier than anticipated.

(???WTF??  never again as long as I live…)

About halfway to daycare Mia started to sense that something wasn’t quite as good as it initially seemed when she realized we had left her blanket at home.  I explained to her that big girls don’t take their blankets to daycare.    Hmmm…suddenly this whole “big girl thing” was starting to lose some of its appeal.

I tried to cheer her up with some friendly facts about daycare.  I told her some of the activities she would like, the names of some of her friends who would be there and who her “teachers” would be. 

She liked the names of her teachers but announced that she would not be hugging them.  I reassured her that she wouldn’t have to hug them on her first day, but maybe she’d like to sit on one of their laps during her first circle time?

“No thanks,” she said determinedly, ”Mia will sit on Mommy’s lap at circle time.”

That’s when the car ride and the whole I’m-a-big-girl-I’m-ready-to-start-school-schtick came to an abrupt end.  By the time we arrived at daycare she had made up her mind,

“Mia wants to got home now, mommy.”

I kind of wanted the same thing…

But I left her there, with her new backpack safe in her cubby and her beloved Dora shoes snug on her feet, surrounded by lots of potential friends, plasma cars and games; an inconsolable mess of tears.

Lucky for me, I had a busy day at work that quite successfully took my mind off of things.  I actually almost forgot about the emotional turmoil of my morning until lunchtime when I was dutifully exercising on the elliptical and out of the blue a song cmme on my iphone that brought it all right back to me.

It was the Indigo’s version of Mia’s bedtime song.  I haven’t sung her this song in a few months; she has now graduated to nighttime serenading that incorporates her activities and whereabouts of her day, but just after she was born and up until very recently the song I sang her every night was “The Water is Wide”.

I chose this song for Mia one night when she was only a few months old.  It’s not a song I had heard often but one that Henri Audet does a beautiful rendition of.   (And EVERY song that Henri Audet sings is a good one!!)  As I sat there rocking my beautiful baby girl the line from this song, “For love is patient…and love is kind…” popped into my head and after she fell asleep that night I went through our CDs and managed to find the song, learn it and have sung her to sleep with it every night from then on.

It is ludicrously ironic that this song came on my  iphone the same day that Mia started daycare – I am not making it up.  To whatever heavenly being shuffled my 600 song playlist to that exact song on this exact day I will be eternally grateful, because it gave me the opportunity to listen attentively and evocatively to the words that had long ago become rote to me…I will share the lyrics of this song with you :

The water is wide, I can’t cross o’er

And neither have I wings to fly

Give me a boat that can carry two

And the boat shall row my love and I

There is a ship and she sails the sea

She’s loaded deep as deep can be

But not as deep as the love I’m in

I know not if I sink or swim

For love is gentle…and love is kind

The sweetest flower that first was new

But love grows old and waxes cold

And fades away like morning dew

The water is wide, I can’t cross o’er

And neither have I wings to fly

Give me a boat that can carry two

And the boat shall row my love and I…

I listened to the words on the elliptical that day, with an attention I hadn’t given them since Mia was 2 months old and I first dusted off the CD.  I’d like to say that the words of that song are the perfect fit for Mia’s first day of daycare…they aren’t entirely but they did strike meaning for me in a number of ways.

 Although I would have liked to have given her wings to fly, I know that’s not possible.  I guess as parents all we can do is to help our kids build their boat, load it up for them with skills and love and happiness, and then help them to sail away as we wave fiercely from the shore, praying for smooth waters.

One thing I know for sure and knew for certain this morning – the sweet and gentle love I have for my dear Mia hasn’t faded a bit since those innocent days when I rocked her sweet baby-ness to sleep.  Though she has grown and learned and now  challenges me with her independence and zest for life, a mother’s love will never "grow old” or "wax and wane”.  Though it changes shape and focus, it continues to grow and blossom with every little thing that she does.  And although she spent this morning trying her best to convince me otherwise, my now big-girl Mia will always be my little baby.

Shirtless Sibling Dance Parties

I am an only child; as such I was very excited to give Toby a sibling, NO MATTER HOW MUCH EFFORT IT TOOK ON MY PART so that he would have someone to play with.

I remind myself of this regularly, now, as Toby and Mia have entered a new stage of “playing together in Toby’s room”.  Mia enjoys the novelty of being actually ALLOWED in his room and Toby enjoys the novelty of setting the rules and being the boss.  Rob and I, I have to admit, enjoy the novelty of some moments of peace and quiet in which we can carry on a conversation together that we actually get to complete.  Without interruptions.

This new activity, as blissful as it sounds, is not without its perils.   When it first started Rob and I took our new found freedom WAY too seriously and let the antics carry on for a few minutes too long the first few times.

We have since had to establish a few ground rules:

1.  Mia is not allowed to paint with marker on either the walls OR her legs

2.  Mia is not allowed to pee on the bed

3.  Mia is not allowed to open, close or smash Toby’s blinds onto the floor.

Last night after a particularly long day of work, I snuck down to Toby’s room to retrieve a hug from my darling kids.  I found them both on the bed, half naked, with Dance Mix 1997 blaring in the background; they were dancing their hearts out.

“WE’RE HAVING A DANCE PART!!!” Toby exclaimed while a shirtless Mia bounced horizontally in the background.  “YOU CAN’T COME IN UNLESS YOU’RE DANCING!!!”

I had no choice BUT to dance with them for a few minutes, before returning upstairs to start dinner. 

As a parent there is nothing better than to see your two children enjoying each other’s company, in whatever capacity it comes…and hey, I think I’ve got at least a few years before the whole “shirtless part” needs to worry me…