My Grown-Up Senior Kindergarten-er

Today was Toby’s first day of Senior Kindergarten.

It was an exciting day and contrasted greatly with the first day of kindergarten LAST year when I was forced to abandoned him while he stood destitute in the middle of the yard, ostensibly the ONLY kid who didn’t have anyone to play with.  Today he leapt away from me and into a fast paced game of “tag/hug your friend/run away from the girls” that took off from right where they had left it at 3pm on June 28^th of this year…

I won’t pretend that Toby didn’t have ANY first day jitters; on the way into town he talked my ear off about random things (as he does when he’s nervous) and finally paused for a thoughtful second to say “My stomach feels a little weird today, Mommy, but Don’t worry I’m being TOBY THE BRAVE because I’m in SENIOR kindergarten today.”

My stomach LURCHED forward at the mere mention of the name.

I remember VIVIDLY the last time he had been referred to as “Toby the Brave”; it was while he was intubated on life support in the ICU of Sick Kids Hospital.  He was the tiny little 10month old version of himself, clinging desperately to his life, and had just endured a chest tube placement earlier that day to drain the fluid that was collecting in his lungs.  We turned on a Shania Twain song that he loved and my mom noticed him tapping his little toes to the beat.

 We called him Toby the Brave because it was the best way we knew how to explain the complex emotions that set into motion at the mere glimpse of our little boy returning.  It was the first time we had any sense of relief since the whole ordeal had begun.  It was our way of selfishly projecting onto him the strength it had taken all of us to endure those crucial first few days.  We called him Toby the Brave because it was the first reminder we had of his spark, his love of life, and his love of Shania Twain.  Our Toby was coming back to us…

So you can imagine how out of context and ridiculously EXTREME the innocent remark he made had impacted me.  I ALMOST turned around to correct him and say, “Oh, come ON kid, it’s just KINDERGARTEN” when I realized that it was, ACTUALLY, a rather normal, insightful and perhaps commendable thing to say on your way to your first day of senior kindergarten.

So instead I took a deep breath and thanked the IPod God of last week that Shania Twain wasn’t spontaneously playing on the radio that day.

After my full day of anticipation, the 3pm pick up was anticlimactic.  He greeted me with his usual sweet enthusiasm and all the sparcity of information that I have come to expect of my 5 year old.  As we sat eating our celebratory first day DQ ice cream cone he did make one comment that struck me…

“Mommy…” he said licking his ice cream cone, “One of the teachers today had PURPLE on THIS Part of her eyes” (he pointed his sticky fingers to his eyelids). 

“Yes,” I explained, “Those are your eyelids and that would have been eye shadow.  Do you think it looked pretty?”

“Nah…” he said with a casual offhandedness I would expect from a teenager, “I just thought it looked WEIRD…and SEXY.”

That's TWICE in one day his words stopped me dead in my tracks!  If I have been struck by ANTHING today it’s the simple fact that SENIOR kindergarten kids sure are grown up..and man it happens fast!!!