Is it Sunday ALREADY?

So here it is - - the official day-before-daycare-starts–emotional-mother-post you’ve all been waiting for. I’ve been holding it in for a bit because it’s not like he’s going into KINDERGARTEN or HIGHSCHOOL or UNIVERSITY – - it’s just DAYCARE. I’m just down the road and he’ s18 months old and so READY for daycare that some mornings I wake up and am surprised that he isn’t at the side of the road hitchhiking with a sign that say, “WANTING TO LEARN. PLEASE TAKE ME SOMEHWERE ELSE WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE MY AGE”.

(That’s why we still keep him in a sleep sac)

It has taken me a little while and a lot of reflection to realize that, although we initially planned to send Toby to daycare 6 months ago, I still don’t feel ready for this. Is he REALLY old enough to be without one of us ALL day long? And more importantly -- but I write this in a whisper – (is he really ready to just be 1 of 10 kids in the toddler room???) I’m sure his GRANDMOTHERS agree that he’s not just your average 1 in 10 kid. He’s busy! And he’s sweet. He needs hugs when he falls down - -even when I discipline him or take a toy away from him, he turns to ME to give him a hug and wipe the tears away. He’s still innocent enough that even if I’ve been the bad guy, I’m still his go-to person who will make it all better. I’m his mommy. And I think he still needs me…

I’m getting carried away, aren’t I?

I feel like I need to go in there on Monday with his Sick Kids scrap book and say, “Look - - he’s NOT just your average kid- - he’s a MIRACLE! LOOK! He was INTUBATED! And he SURVIVED! And he was on MORPHINE for WEEKS and we sat at his bedside vigilantly holding his hand and singing SHANIA TWAIN to him and he SURVIVED!!! So PLEASE please PLEASE be EXTRA careful with him!!!”

But I guess the bottom line is that EVERY parent must feel this way. And I don’t want them thinking that I’m crazy OR that he’s a morphine addict.

I knew I was getting anxious about this last week when I found myself asking my dysfunctional patients how they handled day-care. I was causal. I made it sound like it was part of my routine questioning at the 4 year old check up,

“SO, developmentally, can Emma hop on one foot? Can she feed herself with a spoon? Does she respond to her own name? Did anyone suffer from any emotional difficulties when she started daycare?”

I think I was hoping for a reassuring, “HELL NO! Day care is the BOMB! I got so much free time I started smoking pot on my lunch hours!”

But I have to say, 100% of the responses went like this, “Oh, no, SHE was fine – It was ME that was a mess” along with the usual “It’s harder on us than it is on them”

Dammit - - How did they get so smart?

In preparation for Monday I’ve booked off early (just in case) and as I walked out of the office on Friday afternoon I off-handedly said to my staff, “oh, Monday is when Toby starts day care so I may be a little late …or SOMETHING”

Christine, Mel and Heather know me WAY too well for that. I was promptly engulfed in consoling smiles and comforting stories and I know that my Monday morning tears will we welcomed with open arms.