Lessons in Happiness

Last week I spent an entire evening with a car salesman.  He was a lovely guy, as they all are, but he was giddy because we were actually BUYING a car from him. 

Finally, FINALLY after 10 years of driving his grandfather’s hand me down 1997 Saturn, my uber-conservative-flawless-driving-weekly-car-washing-my-cars-never-die-because-I-take-such-good-care-of-them-husband decided it was time to get a new one.

The car has been around since my high school days.  Which was more than I can say about any part of my body, except perhaps my ears.  But the impacts of childbearing on various body parts will be saved for another rant.  Its not everyday you are handed car-salesman material for your blog so I’ll get to my point.

Enter ‘Mike’ the dealer.  He was a nice guy.  And I know that he HAD to be nice, but I actually think he genuinely WAS nice, which I wouldn’t have minded if it hadn’t slowed down the whole process so much.  It took TWO HOURS to sign a few papers and pick up a car.  TWO HOURS!!!  And probably only because Mr. Nice-Guy had to pause and smile so frequently, and reiterate everything twice – once in normal speak and the second time in cliché-speak.

One of my favourites was :

“I just want to make sure you’re 100% happy, 100% of the time.”

Wow.  That’s a LOT of happiness. In fact, I’m pretty sure my blog would suffer a LOT if I became tortured with 100% happiness.  ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE TIME.

I pictured what would happen if I used his line while prescribing antidepressants to patients. Even the DRUG reps don’t pretend that’s a possibility.

My second favourite line of the night was,

“And as I go through things with you be sure to ask questions because, you know, the only bad question is the one that isn’t asked!” 

Trying to listen to that without rolling my eyes was a challenge in both maturity and eyeball calisthenics.

…And his closing line…

“Don’t be a stranger!  I know you don’t live in town here but be sure to drop in and let us know how you’re doing if you’re ever in the area.”

Seriously? …SERIOUSLY?  Can you imagine if I actually DID That?

“I’m looking for Mike – no, I’m not a friend or a relative, I dropped in to say hi and let him know I'm feeling kind of under the weather this week after a bad case of gastro…”

It wasn’t ALL bad.  There were some humorous moments in our visit.  Particularly when Mike was off getting more things for us to sign or bouncing around in 100% happiness trying to spread his cheer.  It was in one of these moments alone in Mike’s cubicle that I saw the sign on his wall….

This is to certify that

Mike Smith

Successfully completed 21 hours of

Automotive Certification.

Wow.  TWENTY ONE hours.  I really wanted to ask him if he’d done them all consecutively or if he just did an hour a day for 3 weeks.  Or maybe it was a 25 hour course and he skipped 4 hours.   I will NEVER KNOW because my husband made me PROMISE that I wouldn’t ask.  

It would kind of be like me putting up a sign in my office saying,

This is to certify that

Dr Boyd

Has successfully completed 21 Pap tests

In her Career

Now THAT’S reassuring.

Most of you are probably thinking I’m a mean person right about now.  I’m really not.  Maybe I’m just not 100% happy 100% of the time.  Especially at 9pm after a full day of work and NO DINNER YET and hours of listening to someone in all of their 21 hours of experience try INCESSANTLY to make me manically happy about a practical purchase I have been nagging my husband to make since last CENTURY.

And to PROVE to you that I’m not REALLY a mean person I won’t even conclude this rant with any mention of my TRUE thoughts on the fact that when we finally DID get our car there were BALLOONS on it.  THREE of them.

How lovely.