Confessions of a Desperate Lady

It has been almost 2 weeks so I’m ready to come clean; I have a confession to make. About 2 weeks ago, being 8 days overdue with (the baby who turned out to be) Mia, I was dangerously close to losing my mind. So before you read this story, please know that I plead the clause of insanity.

As I mentioned previously, I lost my mental pregnancy game at about 38 weeks. It was at that time that I stopped working, stopped sleeping. contracted the flu and began to let myself daydream about going into labour and ending my 9 months of sacrificial living. So you can imagine my chagrin when I found myself 3.5 weeks later and not an inch closer to delivery. I was distraught. My sleep deteriorated, my ability to concentrate was squat and my optimism about life in general reached an all time low.

That is how the morning of Friday, Jan 21st found me. I woke up and moaned in agony at not being in labour before mustering up the strength to give myself a pep talk. Here I was, days before starting the REALLY tough part of sleep deprivation, leaky breasts and constant anxiety about my baby; why wasn’t I able to enjoy my freedom? I had all day ahead of me while Toby was in daycare --surely there was SOMETHING satisfying I could fill my day with. I racked my brains for anything that made me feel good (how indulgent is THAT??) and all I could come up with was that I always feel great after getting my hair done. My cranky brain usurped this sliver of optimism to remind me that I wasn’t in need of a hair cut and didn’t have an appointment.. That’s when I remembered that we have First Choice Hair cutters in Collingwood - $12 for a haircut. Surely they could handle just washing my hair?

And it was with this thought; a promise of a 12$ hair wash, that I managed to convince my ornery self to get out of bed.

That’s when I had to make my first decision. Did I shower? I was heading into town for a hair cut. But what if I went into labour on the way in and then was unshowered for days? What if there was a line up and I couldn’t get my hair done? I decided it was safer to shower. And so I did. And while I was in the shower I decided I might as well wash my hair. Same principles applied there.

Making those decisions in addition to the morning pep talk, was all my sleep deprived self could handle. I got out of the shower and felt exhausted. So I went back to bed and slept for 3 more hours.

You can imagine what my no-longer-wet-hair looked like when I woke up. It was almost noon and my whole plan for the day was to get my hair washed and here I was with outlandish hair after having washed it myself and then slept on it. The ridiculousness of this almost set me back but I charged forward with my plan and ventured out to get my hair done. Properly.

I have nothing against First Choice Hair Cutters- - the lady who did my hair was very nice. But it took her AN HOUR AND A HALF to wash and blow-dry my hair. No joke. For someone who prides herself on efficiency, it was a unique and slightly torturous experience. I had to keep reminding myself that I had NO WHERE ELSE TO BE and that her inefficiency was in NO WAY impeding my plans for the day. Still, how I longed to grab the hairdryer from her hands and do it myself!!!

As you can imagine, spending a full 90 minutes small talking with a stranger was also not something I had anticipated OR was in any shape to carry out. That’s when I started lying. Why was I having my hair done? Dinner plans (yeah, right). When was the baby due? Next month. (I couldn’t handle any more pitying looks…) Was I off work today? Yes, nice to have a day off mid week (for the 21st day in a row…) As wrong as lying is, I did it for her own good. If this poor girl was going to have to spend 90 minutes making a lousy $12 by merely washing and then blow drying my hair (which quite obviously not her forte) then at least I should have the courtesy of covering up the fact that I was a complete lunatic.

Finally, FINALLY the lady put down the hair dryer and proudly announced that I was done. I felt so badly I ended up paying her $20, which is, more than a 50% tip but hey, it fit with the whole theme of my day. She smiled and wished me a nice night out and an easy delivery next month and I triumphantly noted that it was 3pm and I’d almost managed to squander an entire day with the simple task of washing my hair.

It was a good thing I went into labour the next day – who KNOWS what I would have done to fill Saturday…