Putting Torture to the Test!

I have mentioned before about the torture of second trimester ultrasounds. Today, I experienced something potentially just as torturous but more importantly, just plain STUPID: third trimester ultrasounds.

Nothing wrong- - just a routine check of fluid levels given that the baby appears to be shrinking. (It just dropped.) And I lost a few pounds (I finally put a halt to my incessant eating of Xmas goodies). I was happy to go nonetheless, until I was given the routine instructions to show up 10 minutes early, have my health card and requisition in hand and make sure to have 8 full cups of water in my bladder.

EXCUSE ME!?!?!

I’ll repeat that sentence because it’s such a preposterously good one: MAKE SURE TO HAVE 8 FULL CUPS OF WATER IN MY BLADDER.

It is riddled with ludicrousness on so many levels.

FIRST Of all, my bladder capacity is about the size of teaspoon. And even that can be quickly depleted by such vigorous activities as sneezing, coughing or standing up too fast.

SECONDLY, what exactly is the POINT of having a full bladder? To push the uterus forward so they can see the baby? When it comes to the ongoing battle between my pea sized bladder and my 7lb fetus, I have witnessed on MANY occasions the clear winner. I don’t think an extra few cups of fluid would do anything to sway the battle – the baby does what it likes, when it likes and if it bumps into my bladder on its way, the cowardly little tings quivers and immediately ejects any semblance of dampness it contains.

THIRDLY, it would be virtually IMPOSSIBLE to miss this baby. Its kicks alone are a dead giveaway. Would the ultrasound tech REALLY place the probe on my belly and be forced to give up, saying Nope – couldn’t find the baby…must be that the bladder only has 7 cups of water in it.

I had an instant aversion to drinking the water. And so I did what only a cranky-rebellious-unworried-and-tired-of-being-pregnant-lady can do; I rebelled against the dreaded litres of water I had been instructed to drink. Instead, I had a small teacup full of water and then (forgetting…) emptied my bladder 5 minutes later before leaving for the hospital.

The end result? A relaxing and even somewhat pleasant ultrasound. The baby looks a little cramped for space but otherwise just perfect. And I have successfully proven something that will benefit women for generations to come; when it comes to 3rd trimester ultrasounds, a teaspoon of water will suffice.