The Yoga Master

The other day I made the mistake of introducing Toby to the sport of yoga. I didn’t think he’d actually LIKE Yoga- - so far he has just been a busy little boy who loves sports that involve balls and running; turns out he likes the downward dog as well.

Most parents would find it awesome that their 3 year old son readily engages in yoga. At first I found it charming, but today, it was nothing but torture.

I got Toby early from daycare today so he could have a nap and ended up having one of those miraculous moments when BOTH children were asleep. AT THE SAME TIME. I didn’t know whether to sleep, eat or empty the dishwasher and ended up wandering around the house in hypomanic ineptness, accomplishing nothing while marveling at my freedom. Finally I managed to focus my energy and have a snack, do a few chores and then put on an exercise video.

It was one of those ANNOYING videos that CLAIM to be only 40 minutes long (which is a LOONG time when you’re post partum and on severely rationed amounts of alone time) when in fact it was actually FIFTY TWO minutes long. About 41 minutes in I decided Toby’s nap had been long enough and woke him up, rationalizing to myself that I’d finish the video in his presence (while secretly thinking he’d convince me to do something else instead). Sneaky, I know. But there has to be SOME advantage to having a three year old.

My plan backfired.

Two minutes in and Toby was completely enthralled in the video and forced me to finish it. And then he wanted to do yoga. I explained to him that it was time for a snack but he would have none of it. If I got to do an exercise video, he should be allowed to do his YOGA video.

Sometimes, in life, there are fights you just can’t muster up the energy to fight. ESPECIALLY after completing a FIFTY TWO MINUTE exercise video. So I turned the yoga on. Toby held the first pose for all of 5 seconds before declaring it “too difficult” and then sitting on the couch. As I went to join him on the couch I was quickly reprimanded and ordered BACK onto the yoga mat.

This routine continued for quite some time. Six minutes to be precise. Which, I might point out, is a LONG TIME when you’re just completed a full FIFTY TWO MINUTE exercise video.

As I found myself immersed in the agony of dolphin, camel and downward dog poses I started dreaming up schemes to outsmart the yoga master who was bossing me around from the couch.

“Maybe we should have a snack, Toby?”

“No…not yet. Get back on the mat”

“Hey, Toby! Lets watch Sesame Street!”

“…No…I like watching Yoga.”

Every now and then, when he could see me gearing up to stop the video he would join me on the mat for a few poses before announcing his yoga inadequacies and assuming his spot on the couch.

Finally, (FINALLY!!!) I was rescued by my beloved daughter who had the good sense to WAKE UP and save me from the inconsiderate yoga nazi I’d created. Although most people would be proud of the fact that their child is well versed in yoga-speak, I have to say (and my thighs and arms agree)…I think I may have created a monster.