Mia's First Week of Daycare...and an astounding coincidence on the Elliptical

This week marked Mia’s first week of daycare.  It was a big week for ALL of us: Rob and I mourned the graduation of our baby to the next stage, Mia FINALLY got to put a back pack on and “go to school” like her idolized big brother, and Toby got a few mornings to have our nanny Shelly all to himself…

Monday morning arrived and Mia bounced out of her crib, eager to go.  She wolfed down her breakfast, raring to get her backpack on and be out the door.  We had PLANNED for Rob to take her at 8:15 but her eagerness tugged on my maternal heartstrings so I decided to take her myself.  By the time we had her dressed, sun screened, fed, appropriately photographed and ready to go…it was still only 7:50.

(I can’t believe I am going to write this next sentence in a blog about my kids…)

And so we were out the door much earlier than anticipated.

(???WTF??  never again as long as I live…)

About halfway to daycare Mia started to sense that something wasn’t quite as good as it initially seemed when she realized we had left her blanket at home.  I explained to her that big girls don’t take their blankets to daycare.    Hmmm…suddenly this whole “big girl thing” was starting to lose some of its appeal.

I tried to cheer her up with some friendly facts about daycare.  I told her some of the activities she would like, the names of some of her friends who would be there and who her “teachers” would be. 

She liked the names of her teachers but announced that she would not be hugging them.  I reassured her that she wouldn’t have to hug them on her first day, but maybe she’d like to sit on one of their laps during her first circle time?

“No thanks,” she said determinedly, ”Mia will sit on Mommy’s lap at circle time.”

That’s when the car ride and the whole I’m-a-big-girl-I’m-ready-to-start-school-schtick came to an abrupt end.  By the time we arrived at daycare she had made up her mind,

“Mia wants to got home now, mommy.”

I kind of wanted the same thing…

But I left her there, with her new backpack safe in her cubby and her beloved Dora shoes snug on her feet, surrounded by lots of potential friends, plasma cars and games; an inconsolable mess of tears.

Lucky for me, I had a busy day at work that quite successfully took my mind off of things.  I actually almost forgot about the emotional turmoil of my morning until lunchtime when I was dutifully exercising on the elliptical and out of the blue a song cmme on my iphone that brought it all right back to me.

It was the Indigo’s version of Mia’s bedtime song.  I haven’t sung her this song in a few months; she has now graduated to nighttime serenading that incorporates her activities and whereabouts of her day, but just after she was born and up until very recently the song I sang her every night was “The Water is Wide”.

I chose this song for Mia one night when she was only a few months old.  It’s not a song I had heard often but one that Henri Audet does a beautiful rendition of.   (And EVERY song that Henri Audet sings is a good one!!)  As I sat there rocking my beautiful baby girl the line from this song, “For love is patient…and love is kind…” popped into my head and after she fell asleep that night I went through our CDs and managed to find the song, learn it and have sung her to sleep with it every night from then on.

It is ludicrously ironic that this song came on my  iphone the same day that Mia started daycare – I am not making it up.  To whatever heavenly being shuffled my 600 song playlist to that exact song on this exact day I will be eternally grateful, because it gave me the opportunity to listen attentively and evocatively to the words that had long ago become rote to me…I will share the lyrics of this song with you :

The water is wide, I can’t cross o’er

And neither have I wings to fly

Give me a boat that can carry two

And the boat shall row my love and I

There is a ship and she sails the sea

She’s loaded deep as deep can be

But not as deep as the love I’m in

I know not if I sink or swim

For love is gentle…and love is kind

The sweetest flower that first was new

But love grows old and waxes cold

And fades away like morning dew

The water is wide, I can’t cross o’er

And neither have I wings to fly

Give me a boat that can carry two

And the boat shall row my love and I…

I listened to the words on the elliptical that day, with an attention I hadn’t given them since Mia was 2 months old and I first dusted off the CD.  I’d like to say that the words of that song are the perfect fit for Mia’s first day of daycare…they aren’t entirely but they did strike meaning for me in a number of ways.

 Although I would have liked to have given her wings to fly, I know that’s not possible.  I guess as parents all we can do is to help our kids build their boat, load it up for them with skills and love and happiness, and then help them to sail away as we wave fiercely from the shore, praying for smooth waters.

One thing I know for sure and knew for certain this morning – the sweet and gentle love I have for my dear Mia hasn’t faded a bit since those innocent days when I rocked her sweet baby-ness to sleep.  Though she has grown and learned and now  challenges me with her independence and zest for life, a mother’s love will never "grow old” or "wax and wane”.  Though it changes shape and focus, it continues to grow and blossom with every little thing that she does.  And although she spent this morning trying her best to convince me otherwise, my now big-girl Mia will always be my little baby.