The Birthday Parade

There was a lot of hoopla around our house this morning because it is my birthday and to a 3 year old, that is a BIG DEAL. Toby has been counting down the sleeps for me for the past week and proudly announced at dinner last night, his little body excitedly bouncing up and down on his chair, that Daddy had hidden my BIRTHDAY PRESENT in HIS room.

(Thanks for keeping the secret, Toby.)

So this morning the excitement was at an all time high when he got to sing, blow out a candle with me and then help me open a present.

Just when I thought I had had my fill of excitement to last until next year, I got the news that IMMEDIATELY after breakfast there would be a BIRTHDAY PARADE in my honour.

I was escorted, with coffee, to the grey chair in the living room and told to sit tight and wait for the parade to start.

And with no further ado, here is what we have all been waiting for...

I'm sorry if I have disappointed all of you with that complete let down of a parade. But not to worry- here is take 2.

"The parade is over." That's life with a 3 year old!

The First Gift of Valentine's Day

I have posted before on my blog how Rob and I don’t “do” Valentine’s Day. Initially it was only Rob who was the party pooper. (Or, to put it more fairly, the more adamant about being non-commercial and segregating ourselves from our single friends blah blah blah…) I spent our first few valentines days bitter and resentful and quietly hopeful that I would eventually change him.

I spent the next few Valentine's days boastfully showering him in ]presents and cheesy cards, proving that I was the more thoughtful one…. in the hopes of leading by example.

I spent the next few Valentine's days in silent acceptance.

I seem to have forgotten the Valentine's days that followed.

And then last year he bought me bottle of wine and made me a nice dinner.

And THIS year I got…

A PRESENT.

In fairness to myself, I was not EXPECTING a Valentine’s day present (See paragraph # 1 through 6 of this email) so when Rob quietly suggested to me that I had overlooked something on my bedside table as I entered the kitchen that morning, I didn’t immediately know it was a FATAL MISTAKE to engage my present-obsessed-3-year-old in the delight of my surprise gift.

That’s why Toby was the one to open the heart shaped box that contained the most EMBARASSING pair of LINGERIE I have ever owned.

Now don’t get your knickers in a knot; it’s not what you think. You see, a few weeks ago I heard a statistic on the radio that 43% of women carry a pair of sexy lingerie in their purse “just in case”.

SERIOUSLY?!?!?

It has been a hot topic of incredulous conversation ever since. In fact, the next time you are at a dinner party or a coffee date or a business meeting that you think is going sour, just offhandedly throw that statistic in and I GUARANTEE you will garner MUCH conversation about it.

So the underwear was KIND OF a joke. At least, I HOPE it was a joke because it was the most OUTLANDISH pair of underwear I have ever seen. SO ridiculous, in fact, that I was able to tell Toby it was a SCARF that daddy had bought me and very KINDLY left me on my bedside table. (In a little heart shaped Victoria Secret Box.)

Lets just say there is a lot of “fringe” on it. And lace. And red bows. And narrow thong-like-posterior portions.

After Rob had left for the day I had a closer look at the hideous piece of absurdity that had become my first ever Valentine's day present. And I soon decided that there is really only one thing to DO when your husband tries to make a mockery of you by buying you ridiculous lingerie and then letting you open it in front of your 3 year old: WEAR IT.

At first I was a little worried that it wouldn’t fit under my jeans. It did. And I even got the zipper done up without catching one of the frolicking red bows in it.

I felt quite smug, knowing what was underneath my jeans that day. In fact, it’s the most smug I’ve ever felt on Valentines Day since I have met Rob.

Smug, smug, smug, all the way into town as I did my errands and as I talked to Rob on the phone and as we decided that the extra time we had before going for lunch would be best spent together at the gym.

Smug, smug, smug all the way to the gym…until I stepped into the change room and realized I would have to take OFF my jeans in order to put my gym clothes on, thus unveiling my now-not-so-smugly-subtle surprise.

Shit, shit, shit.

To make matters worse, a senior’s aquatics class had just ended and the YMCA change room was overrun by a large group of loud, floppy, wet octogenarians whose shocking-self-unabashedness did not bode well for my chance of subtle clothes changing.

After choosing the most discrete locker in the change room, a particularly chipper lady bounced over and took the locker next to me. She kindly smiled and said good morning to me as I smiled back through clenched teeth, thinking to myself, “I am about to traumatize you with my underwear”. And then I did.

Finally I was out of crazy land and into comfy gym attire and emerged from the change room ready to take my embarrassment out on the treadmill only to find Rob standing in exactly the same spot I’d left him in, still wearing his winter coat and boots.

??

“I forgot my gym shoes.” He said.

“Well? “ Rob asked, after observing my frozen look of disbelief. “What’s the big deal? We’ll just skip the gym and go for lunch. Go get changed!”

I will spare you the excruciating details of the embarrassment I endured, walking BACK into the change room to face the EXACT SAME GROUP OF LADIES (including the now-traumatized-chipper one who chose the locker next to mine) to now put BACK ON the embarrassing pair of thick lacy ridiculousness that was my first valentine's day present ever.

I am happy to report that today is February 17^th and I am still married.

This Valentines day I learned a valuable lesson - - even if a supposed 43% of the population is doing something, it doesn’t mean I need to do it too. Next year, I’m hoping to go back to plain and simple…

The Ten Kiss Limit

It has been so long since I have written in my blog that I now have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. Today we registered Toby for kindergarten; today was also the first day we gave Mia her first (successful) ponytail.

The kids continue to keep our lives going at warp speed but as we get further and further away from the first year of unpredictability I’m finding myself appreciating my time with them more and more.

In fact, a few weeks ago, Rob and I took our long awaited Rob-is-on-parental-leave-so-this-is-the-only-time-in-our-lives-we-can-travel-at-a-reasonable-time-of-year trip to Whistler to go skiing.

Without the kids.

I know how that sounds – blissful. Indulgent. Maybe even a little in your face show-offy. (Maybe this is why I haven’t posted about it yet??) But I have to tell you, as someone who has longed for the opportunity to read the paper and sleep in and watch a movie for over a year now, it was a complete learning experience for me as to where exactly I am in life right now.

I was VERY anxious about leaving, although I believe strongly in letting the grandparents have their turn to parent without having us around and it was ESPECIALLY important for Rob’s parents to have this time with them as they get to see the kids so seldom. So I just thought my pre-vacation jitters were something I was going to laugh about as soon as we drove away.

There was no laughing on the drive to the airport. In fact, there was no sleeping that first night and poor Rob had to put up with cranky me all the way out to Vancouver. By the time we got to the resort I was feeling so far away from them that even a beer in the hot tub couldn’t settle me and I turned to Rob and, just as he started to announce how happy he was, I shattered the moment with a homesick, “I THINK THIS IS A BAD IDEA.”

Thank god Rob and I have been together for as long as we have and that he knows me as well as he does. We survived that moment. And gradually, with the help of pretzels, red wine and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and a long awaited phone call home, I got to seeing that I was going to be OK without my kids for the week.

(Sometime the only child in me shines through in its true colours…)

By day 3 I was feeling strong enough to skype with the kids without bursting into tears. I was SO excited to see them and immediately reminded of the chaos I had blissfully left behind. After talking my ear off for 5 minutes straight about everything he had done and seen and eaten while I was away (he was quite clearly having the time of his life) Toby suddenly grew very serious and LEANED in for a private one on one with me.

“MOMMMY” he said, his face about a millimeter from the screen, “I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!! And Mia has been REALLY worried about you, too!”

It was the most heartfelt way to express just exactly what I had been feeling without him.

I told him I missed him too and promised to give him a thousand kisses when I got home.

As the tears welled up in my eyes, my little guy brought me back to reality with a sudden snarl of his nose and a loud, “A THOUSAND!!! Ewwww. Mommy…that’s TOO MANY.”

“OK, FINE.” I conceded. “How many are YOU going to give ME?”

Toby thought about this for a bit before confidently deciding on a much more appropriate amount of post vacation kisses: TEN.

Rob and I had a fantastic week in Whistler: excellent skiing, relaxing afternoons, delicious meals out and many, many chats about our little family. I had no concerns about our relationship going into the week, but was almost surprised to find rekindled that quiet warmth and comfort of each others company.

But I have to say, the best moment of the trip had to have been those 10 kisses I got the morning I got home…

It’s dawning on me more and more these days, as Mia’s hair makes her look more like a little girl and Toby’s first day of school grows closer how quickly this is all going to go by.