The Ten Kiss Limit

It has been so long since I have written in my blog that I now have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. Today we registered Toby for kindergarten; today was also the first day we gave Mia her first (successful) ponytail.

The kids continue to keep our lives going at warp speed but as we get further and further away from the first year of unpredictability I’m finding myself appreciating my time with them more and more.

In fact, a few weeks ago, Rob and I took our long awaited Rob-is-on-parental-leave-so-this-is-the-only-time-in-our-lives-we-can-travel-at-a-reasonable-time-of-year trip to Whistler to go skiing.

Without the kids.

I know how that sounds – blissful. Indulgent. Maybe even a little in your face show-offy. (Maybe this is why I haven’t posted about it yet??) But I have to tell you, as someone who has longed for the opportunity to read the paper and sleep in and watch a movie for over a year now, it was a complete learning experience for me as to where exactly I am in life right now.

I was VERY anxious about leaving, although I believe strongly in letting the grandparents have their turn to parent without having us around and it was ESPECIALLY important for Rob’s parents to have this time with them as they get to see the kids so seldom. So I just thought my pre-vacation jitters were something I was going to laugh about as soon as we drove away.

There was no laughing on the drive to the airport. In fact, there was no sleeping that first night and poor Rob had to put up with cranky me all the way out to Vancouver. By the time we got to the resort I was feeling so far away from them that even a beer in the hot tub couldn’t settle me and I turned to Rob and, just as he started to announce how happy he was, I shattered the moment with a homesick, “I THINK THIS IS A BAD IDEA.”

Thank god Rob and I have been together for as long as we have and that he knows me as well as he does. We survived that moment. And gradually, with the help of pretzels, red wine and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and a long awaited phone call home, I got to seeing that I was going to be OK without my kids for the week.

(Sometime the only child in me shines through in its true colours…)

By day 3 I was feeling strong enough to skype with the kids without bursting into tears. I was SO excited to see them and immediately reminded of the chaos I had blissfully left behind. After talking my ear off for 5 minutes straight about everything he had done and seen and eaten while I was away (he was quite clearly having the time of his life) Toby suddenly grew very serious and LEANED in for a private one on one with me.

“MOMMMY” he said, his face about a millimeter from the screen, “I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!! And Mia has been REALLY worried about you, too!”

It was the most heartfelt way to express just exactly what I had been feeling without him.

I told him I missed him too and promised to give him a thousand kisses when I got home.

As the tears welled up in my eyes, my little guy brought me back to reality with a sudden snarl of his nose and a loud, “A THOUSAND!!! Ewwww. Mommy…that’s TOO MANY.”

“OK, FINE.” I conceded. “How many are YOU going to give ME?”

Toby thought about this for a bit before confidently deciding on a much more appropriate amount of post vacation kisses: TEN.

Rob and I had a fantastic week in Whistler: excellent skiing, relaxing afternoons, delicious meals out and many, many chats about our little family. I had no concerns about our relationship going into the week, but was almost surprised to find rekindled that quiet warmth and comfort of each others company.

But I have to say, the best moment of the trip had to have been those 10 kisses I got the morning I got home…

It’s dawning on me more and more these days, as Mia’s hair makes her look more like a little girl and Toby’s first day of school grows closer how quickly this is all going to go by.