My Lesson in Superheroes

Toby and I had a conversation about Superheroes tonight. 

Well, actually, the FIRST conversation we had was about where it was and wasn’t appropriate to stick Spiderman stickers.  The front window and Daddy’s bedside table were NOT good places; various bodily appendages (save the obvious one) and sticker books WERE appropriate.

After Toby had wisely decided to display his Spiderman stickers on his two arms he launched into full superhero mode with his left arm chasing his right arm as he swooped around the bedroom while his loquacious mouth commentated the whole time on who was catching who and which Spiderman was getting killed.

I was only halfway through tidying up the bedroom but decided to pause and educate my son a little on the rights and wrongs of superhero doings.  In particular, I pointed out, it was NOT OK to kill anyone.  EVER.

But what if they were killing BAD guys?

Same principal applies:  It is NEVER OK to kill someone.  EVEN if they are bad guys. Bad guys had a mommy and daddy, too, who would be VERY sad if they got killed.

Toby was quiet after that comment.  I went back to cleaning up the bedroom.

A few minutes later I saw him over in the corner of our room, quietly tearing up his beloved Spiderman stickers and throwing them into the trashcan.

“OH, TOBY!” I realized with shock how seriously he’d taken my words, “Don’t tear up your Spiderman stickers!  Spiderman isn’t a bad guy!”

“But Mommy he KILLS bad guys!” He said tragically.

I got down on my knees to rescue the last half of his Spiderman sticker as I explained that Spiderman doesn’t KILL bad guys, his just protects people from them.  In fact, his primary purpose was to SAVE people, not KILL people.

Toby looked at me like I’d just gone ape shit.

I persisted in my story with a fervent passion that was sure to repair the tarnished mark I’d placed on his beloved superhero.

“No matter what he’s doing, if someone is in trouble he goes RACING out and puts on his cape and RUSHES to the rescue and SAVES them!  He FLIES through the air and carries people away from burning buildings or scoops them up just before they are about to be hit by a train.  He uses all his power and strength…” 

Wait a minute…

As Toby looked at me with his big hopefully 4 year old eyes waiting attentively to my explanation I had a sudden epiphany.

I am 34 years old and I don’t know the difference between Spiderman and Superman.

The damage had already been done.  My story was immediately rendered implausible by the mere mention of a “cape.”  Spiderman doesn’t wear a cape.  He also doesn’t fly – he throws strings out of his hands that suction cup to buildings.  And most importantly of all, SPIDERMAN doesn’t RESCUE people.

I know that all now (as well as many other details on their differences) after being properly schooled on such matters in the hot tub tonight but my appalled husband. 

I suppose this is just one of many tutorials I will need to take on cartoon superheroes.   (It sounds MUCH more appealing than the inevitable Disney Princess stage that is awaiting us…)  And I guess not all superheroes are going to be as good as Superman, but I will have to cross my fingers that by also instilling good morals into him he will become a good person DESPITE what lessons he learns from TV superheroes.

And hey, maybe one day I’ll even let him watch Dexter with me…