The End of an Era

Today was Toby’s last day at daycare.  It’s the end of an era and I wasn’t sure how to mark it for my own sense of closure.  When Toby slept in a bit this morning I panicked that I wouldn’t be able to take him by myself.  When I had to work late tonight I was anxious that I’d be too late to do the final “pick up”.  All day I walked around with a lump in my throat and a sense of mourning.

Toby has SUCH good friends at Duntroon – 3 boys in particular that  he refers to as his “Buddies”.  The thought that I was sending him off this morning to play with his buddies for the very last time was heartbreaking.  When I asked him if he was sad he said, “No, I’m not, mommy, cause it’s EVERYONE's  last day.”  The guy CLEARLY didn’t get it.   Drop off this morning was unlike any other; he raced for the first plasma car he could find and launched into a car race with his buddies before I’d had a chance to drop his knapsack in his cubby. Getting him OFF his plasma car to take a picture with his “daycare moms” was almost impossible.  

All day, the finality of today was on my mind.  Thankfully when I picked him up tonight he was one of the last kids to leave; I don’t know if I could have handled watching him say a final farewell to any of his buddies or his teachers.   As someone who is notorious for not being overly sentimental or much of a crier, I certainly appreciated the reprieve from a situation that almost certainly would have brought me to tears.

The ride home from daycare was uneventful and eventually I was home safe with my psychologically tenuous day behind me. I had made it with my reputation in tact.  No one, including myself, knew that today was a really difficult today for me emotionally; I had made it through with my secret safe and undercover.

And then, without thinking about it, I went to empty his backpack.

I pulled out some dirty shorts, a few pieces of terrible, half done artwork (lets face it, Toby is NOT an artist) a bottle of sunscreen…and a bear and a ratty old blanket I haven’t laid eyes on since Toby was 18 months old.

And it all came flooding back to me. 

Although it was 3 years ago, I remember it as if it was yesterday; packing up my baby to go to off without me for the first time, into the intimidating land of daycare.  I packed his favourite blanket and the bear that had sat by his side at Sick Kids hospital when he was so ill.  They have been with him on his little bed at daycare since that very first day.

I grabbed these long lost treasures and final mementos of my little baby boy in a  fervent embrace, letting all of my pent up sentimentality out as I hugged and smelled them.  They both smelled of daycare.  I burst into tears.

Toby ignored my tears and grabbed for his bear and blankie.  “Give bear to me, Mommy!  I’m going to introduce him to his new friends!”, he said excitedly as he ran downstairs to his room to place bear with his other beloved stuffed animals.

And just as bear will make “new friends” with the numerous other stuffed animals in Toby’s room, so too will Toby meet some new friends in kindergarten this fall.  I guess I have to be OK with that; it’s all part of his journey.  But I know that wherever he ends up, whatever friends he makes, his very first friends, the Duntroon Buddies, will always have a very special place in ALL of our hearts. 

Happy summer, everyone…