Nein Danke

Dearest Toby,

Today you are nine.

Nine.

NEIN!!!! 

Nine  - Danke! Might make you think I'm saying “Thanks for a Great 9 years” …but it ALSO means NO THANK you in German.  I think BOTH are appropriate right now.

Lets start with the positive -- Thanks for 9 great years!  How thankful I am that 9 years ago you made me a mother; you changed my life forever, teaching me lessons I never knew before about true love and true fear.  While I had selfishly spent the first 30 years of my life focusing on me and med school and marrying daddy and making friends and buying a home, suddenly you threw yourself into the direct flight path of my life, announcing, “AHA!  Here I am!  Something that means more to you than anything you have ever encountered before!” As my love for you exploded exponentially those first few days I grew to realize that the track of success I felt my life might be on could suddenly be derailed instantaneously by anything ever happening to you.

And, just to drive home the point, you gave me a brief taste of what that terror might feel like when you were 10 months old and tried to die on us.

Thanks again for that, Toby.  You have always been quite fastidious about driving your point home.

So sure…I could look back and say, “Nein, Danke” to all of that.  But I won’t. Because it brought you to me and me to you.  And it brought us all to where we are right now…which…ahem…. is where I’d like to put a halt on things....

NEIN DANKE to this sudden desire to grow your hair like a teenager, half covering your eyes (and the other half miraculously defying gravity with the interestingly placed cow-licks brought to you, lovingly, from your Henry family…)

NEIN DANKE to this new phase of showering and dressing yourself without my input.  For goodness sakes, you don’t even seem to need me in the change room after hockey practice but prefer that I wait for you “outside with the other parents” while you change yourself.

TOBY HENRY…might I remind you that up until a year ago you could not pick out your own SOCKS without your mother’s help!  You gotta rip the band-aid off slowly, buddy…

NEIN DANKE to sleep overs.  I know you PRETEND to be old enough and big enough to be able to fall asleep without our good night snuggles and without needing to see me for 12 hours in a row…. It all seems quite unnatural and uncomfortable for ME so I can only imagine how hard it must be for you…

And NEIN DANKE to all these new technological things you have become so fantastic at.  You were on a select Robotics team this year and exceled beyond your parents wildest expectations.  I thought robotics was a club that built robots (Duh) but as it turns out you somehow have learned to code and create programs that move robots and command them to do things.  It’s a scary skill set that goes beyond mine and has me worried that one day my coffee maker is going to start revolting and making YOU chocolate milk in the morning.

And Nein Danke to your height.  And you adult teeth. And your mature laugh and sense of humour.  It is a both a gift and a bit of torture to see so vividly the wonderfully, smart, compassionate, funny, earnest and intelligent man you are becoming.  Wonderful, because I am eternally proud.  Devastating to know that the days of you depending on me are quickly fading into the past.  Next year we reach double digits (nein danke) and although I can’t wait to see the incredible person you evolve into as each year passes, I wish I could always keep you young and innocent and my sweet little Toby.

Nine!!!!  Danke, Toby…for being Nine and for being Mine.  I’ll enjoy it all while I can!

Xo Mommy