The 'S' Word

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When you are a younger sibling it sometimes takes WORK to get yourself noticed.  ESPECIALLY if your older sibling is the ever popular and loud-mouthed Toby. In this circumstance, if you want to get yourself heard, you sometimes have to think outside the box.

Mia has always excelled in this area but I think her newest technique  is by far her most ingenious.

It all came about after we moved to town and Toby started inviting friends over to play.  These weren’t family friends, these were now TOBY’s friends, and Mia often got left out of the fun.  That is, until she took this situation into her own hands.  Be it one friend or a whole group of friends, Mia’s approach is consistent; just when everyone is about to get involved in a game that centers around Toby, Mia gathers everyone around her by simply stating, “Hey guys…I’m going to say the ‘S’ word.”

NOTHING gets a group of 4 to 6 year olds’ attention like a good counterfeit act of swearing.

Occasionally someone will break off from the group and come racing over to get me, breathlessly exclaiming with a look of horror in their eyes, “MIA IS ABOUT TO SAY THE ‘S’ WORD!!!”

Sometimes she threatens repeatedly until she is sure that she is the queen bee and has everyone’s attention.

And sometimes she says it.

The actual SAYING of the S word quickly dissipates the crowd and many if not ALL of the children usually then run over to me with horrified-tattle telling-glee to inform me that MIA. SAID. THE ‘S’ WORD.

It’s hard to know HOW to react to this scenario.  Especially because I have no idea what said ‘S’ word actually IS.  None of the well-behaved children we hang out with have the guts to actually REPEAT it to me.  And Toby CERTAINLY wouldn’t tarnish his golden halo with the likes of Mia’s shenanigans.

“She can’t REALLY know the word SHIT already, can she?” Rob asked me one night when we were going to sleep

I didn’t think so but it wouldn’t be the first time I’d been duped by my angelic daughter.  Perhaps it was something inane like “shut up” or “shoot”.   I wasn’t sure how I was going to find out without mistakenly encouraging her behaviour.  

And then last weekend, quite unexpectedly,  I figured it out.

Our dog Zack had done something typical that infuriated me (I think he’d eaten a loaf of bread off the counter) and I sent him outside while remarking loudly about how low his IQ was.

When I turned around Mia’s face what white as a ghost.  She looked like she was going to cry.

“Mia!”  I rushed over to her. “What’s wrong?!?!?”

“Mommy…” she said VERY seriously, “You just said…the S word…”

I wracked my brains…what on earth had I just said?

Bread – table- dog- STUPID – that was it!

I almost burst out laughing but managed to stop myself just in time.

“You’re right, Mia. I DID say the S word. “ Then, gulping back my pride and swallowing everything I’ve ever thought about Zack since the moment we got him I added, “Zack is not stupid.  I shouldn’t have said that.”

Mia kept staring at me.  I had very clearly tarnished my reputation with her; no longer was I her infallible perfect Mommy.  I had CLEARLY violated some immensely important code in her world. 

Eventually our day went on as usual but the incident was clearly not forgotten.  That night at dinner after we had said what we were thankful for and everyone had dug into their meals, Mia put her fork down, folded her hands and made an announcement.

“Mommy said the S word today.”

Toby dropped his fork and stared at me in disbelief.

Another reputation tarnished.

Rob raised one eyebrow and looked at me questioningly as I smiled back innocently with a forced attempt at telepathy. 

“Yes. I did. I am very sorry. I said the S word.”

“WHY!?!??!”

Toby was not going to get over this.

Mia, on the other hand, had picked up her fork and was smugly enjoying her dinner while I got the third degree.

“Well…Toby…I was mad at Zack and made a comment I shouldn’t have.”

Now Rob was even MORE intrigued.  I didn’t want to SAY the actual S word again for fear that my children would report me to CAS but I was trying hard to explain myself to Toby AND subtly let Rob know that it wasn’t REALLY the word we thought it was and that I HADN’T just made the greatest Mommy-mistake of all times…

Although I managed to make it through our family dinner that night, the incident has not been forgotten.  Every now in then when I least expect it Mia reminds me with a sinister tone to her voice of THAT TIME that I used THE S WORD.

 I have learned two things from this situation:

1. I will from now on only ever refer to Zack’s shenanigans as “Silly” or “Dumb”

2.  My Mia is a force to be reckoned with….we are screwed when she hits her teens…

Mia - victorious after scoring her SECOND dessert while we were out for dinner in PEI