The Vagina Strikes Again...

Nothing polarizes your offspring like the learning of the female genital system.

I remember with Toby I kept the word “vagina” a secret for as long as we could both hold out.  We firmly believe in teaching our kids the PROPER anatomical terms for our genitals, but somehow unleashing the V word into my 18 month old’s rapidly expanding and readily expressed vocabulary seemed a little on the dangerous side.

It wasn’t until he caught me completely off guard one day while I was driving, that I came clean.  Thankfully, my innocent little son took the V word and eagerly accepted it, repeating it as only he could have understood it, “OH, right. Mommy has THE GIANT.”

Although it is entirely unflattering to think that ANYONE is referring to your female bits as THE GIANT, I accepted this as a much more appropriate and subtle thing for him to announce the following Monday at daycare.

Mia calls her vagina a bum.  It’s not her fault; I have yet to teach her the V word.  Similar to Toby, she is curious and alludes to Toby’s “peanut” and daddy’s “peanut” before marveling with a hovering question mark in the air why she and mommy have “bums”.

Unlike Toby, Mia is ALWAYS up to no good and I KNOW my good fortune at having my confession misinterpreted as a giant will FAIL me this time and we will hear nothing but vagina talk at the dinner table for years to come.

So I’ve just ignored her.

Until today, of course, when I was changing her bum and remarked loudly at her GIANT pooh.

Mia looked at me with an intense gaze I recognized instantly as her look of deep pride.

“Mia had a VAGINA Pooh!” She said victoriously.

“No, Mia" I corrected, “You had a GIANT Pooh.”

She nodded her head with the utmost of seriousness.

“Yes…Mia had a VAGINA pooh.”

So there you have it.  Apparently Mia already KNOWS the word vagina.  And now ALSO believes that hers can magically create pooh to boot.  That is just SO typical, Mia.

Wouldn’t life be SO much simpler if we all just had ‘peanuts’???