Halloween Heartbreak

My children were born with this innate ability to break my heart, and they do it regularly, in the most unpredictable of ways.

For the past 21 days we have been on the countdown to Halloween.  Usually it’s on the way to school but sometimes it’s over dinner that the conversation comes up: “How many sleep until Halloween?  Twenty?” Toby would ask, hopeful that he had miscounted and the days would be fewer than anticipated.  They never were- - he was always right, and his patience was put to a test on a daily basis.

When FINALLY the big day arrived, Toby could hardly believe his good luck.  He put his costume on to go to school in with such excitement it was contagious.

The line between your child’s happiness and your own is often blurred.  I spent Halloween morning in my own cloud of excited anticipation for the much-awaited event, until, of course, I got the phone call from school.  Toby was sick.

Of ALL DAYS!!!

I rationalized this impossible scenario to myself by assuming that

a) The school was overreacting

And b) that it was probably nothing we couldn’t drug up with the usual concoction of Tylenol and Advil in order to squeeze some trick or treating in anyways.

To my dismay, I was wrong.  Even TOBY had lost his vigilance towards the most anticipated event.  Arriving home that night, I found him lying on the couch in a giant ball of feverish lethargy.  Not only did he not CARE that he was missing Halloween but he had an unrelenting and rapidly escalating fever and, just to make his point loud and clear, vomited all over the place as I walked in the door.

I took Mia out trick or treating anyways.  She was, I have to say, a very cute chicken, and she took the job of walking up to each house and holding her bag out rather seriously which made her an even CUTER chicken.  But deep down I was heartbroken.  I felt like I used to feel going to weddings as a single person while all of my friends had dates.  And although it was really nice of them to share their dates with me during the slow dances, it didn’t replace the ache I had longing for my OWN date to be there.

The day after Halloween, Toby was feeling no better and he had STILL not even broached the topic of his missed Halloween.  After putting him to bed at a record early time of 5pm, Mia suddenly had an epiphany: she had mom and dad ALL to HERSELF.

It was just after bath that the full realization of her single child status hit home.  She came bouncing onto the couch with her bottle and blanket and loudly tried to determine which parent she would sit with,’ Meeena sit DADDY!” she said climbing onto his lap, only to announce a few seconds later, “Meeena sit MOMMY” and crawled over to me.  Finally she settled in between us, pulled the covers up to her chin, picked up her bottle and solemnly announced with a satisfied sigh, “Meeena home...”

Life is exhausting; I’ve had my heartbroken by both of my children all in the span of 48 hours.  While Toby’s heartbreak came from sadness and empathy, Mia’s was all pride and joy.   It’s amazing how loving two people so much can bring such wild and fluctuating emotions to your day-to-day life.  What a wild ride this is…