Multitasking

On the drive home from daycare tonight,  Tobywas eating an apple, pensively looking out the window when he suddenly broke the silence with a startling announcement,

“Mommy!” he said proudly, “Do you KNOW what I can do at the SAME TIME???”

“No, I don’t” I replied curiously, “Tell me…”

“I can EAT and Look out the window at the SAME TIME!!!”

I know all mothers think this but for REAL, it’s true- - my child is a genius.

Our Lady Gaga

 Sometimes life doesn’t turn out EXACTLY as you’ve planned it.

I recognize that introducing a blog post with a statement like that will have everyone wondering who died, which one of us lost their job or what new town we are moving to.  I will forewarn you; to the average person, this unexpected change of plans may seem trivial, but to my mother it was nothing of the sort.

My mother reacted to the news of my first pregnancy with a similar amount of enthusiasm as she reacted to that of my engagement; it was a slow clap.  To put it lightly.  This is not to say she wasn’t excited; lets just she just needed some extra processing time before unleashing the fervent mania of her own excitement.

By the time dinner was finished (after telling her the news of pregnancy #1) mom was CLEARLY going to be OK with it and had ALMOST put aside all implications the news had made on her advancing age.  Not long after acceptance, the discussion soon shifted to more practical concerns:

WHAT was the baby going to call her?

What ensued was a run down of every POSSIBLE name “the baby” could conceive of calling her and why each and every one was COMPLETELY unacceptable ad utterly appalling.

At the end we narrowed it down to the one and ONLY name my mother would ever HEAR of being called: Grandma Lynda.

And then, a mere 7.5 months later, after laying eyes for the first time on her grandson, that stoic-bear-with-me-while-I-get-myself-adjusted-to-change woman who was previously so controlled and precise about her feelings turned into a giant ball of Grandma-Lynda mushiness.

We watched the sappy version of my mother unfold as the days, weeks, and months went by.   Slowly we began to get used to the excited, childlike clapping of her pristinely manicured hands as she entered her house, and the biweekly phone calls that regaled us with her passionate longings for her oh-so-missed grandson.

But the true test came when Toby himself learned to talk and respond to my mother with his own sentiments of love.  As you may remember with your own kids, their first expression of love is in the sweetness of the words, MAMA and DADA .  In Toby’s world only one word could possibly come next and believe it or not, it wasn’t “Grandma Lynda” but a slightly slurred although entirely consistent, GAGA.

Still baffled by the dreamy state of grandmotherly-intoxication that had overtaken my practical mother, we were yet further dumbfounded by the ease at which she took this.  Not only did my mother accept her new nickname (which would have fallen under the ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE category 2 years previously) but she proudly flaunted it and asked him to repeat it at every opportunity.  And Gaga she was.

Proving her insanity clairvoyant, she one day called me at work to tell me she had just heard on the news that there was a SINGER named LADY Gaga.  Could I BELIEVE IT?  Yes, I told her, I did know that, but might I suggest that she NOT go and Google it?

And then Mia came along.  

Mia, as well all know, has a mind of her own.  She has developed a few words but doesn’t use them consistently as she prefers her usual “point and hiss” or “point and shriek” which, on the whole, works quite well when it comes to getting-exactly-what-you-want-when-you-want-it.

And so it came as no surprise to all of us when Mia suddenly proclaimed (in a way that only Mia could do) that Grandma Lynda would now go by “Nana”.

If we had ranked the various choices for unacceptable “Grandma” names, I think that NANA would have fallen dead last.  But, as only her grandchildren have EVER been able to do, my now softened mother accepted this entirely prejudiced nickname with grace and joy and is now proudly sporting the name Nana in all its glory.

The other day, feeling rather brave, I pointed this out to my mother and reminded her of the strict criteria she had once imposed on the correct taxonomy of her prestigious position. 

She laughed and sighed before saying, “Well…at least I’m not GRANNY.”

We have no plans for a 3^rd child, but I somehow suspect if a mistake were ever to happen, that I know just what baby #3 would call her…

This Goalie means BUSINESS

For Easter this year, our amazing nanny, Shelly, left the kids their very own Easter presents which we set out for them to find when we arrived home from Chatham.  Toby’s was full of the usual Cars 2 accessories: trucks, lego and colouring books, while Mia got her very own homemade Easter bonnet and a pair of dainty little pink gloves.

Both things were an instant hit; Mia immediately gravitated to the colouring books full of paper she could tear apart with her naughty little fingers (and crayons she could eat) while Toby scooped up the gloves and announced that he was a soccer GOALIE. 

Since Easter, we have been amused by even more soccer games, this time with Toby as the goalie, always sporting his new dainty pink “goalie mitts”.  Sometimes, if the game goes into overtime and it is past his bedtime, he goes to bed with the gloves on.  This morning he was wearing them when he came upstairs.  I don’t know if he played a game in his sleep or if they were the first things he thought to put on in the morning, but one thing is certain; when it comes to sports, Toby lets NOTHING get in his way -- not even a little pink frilliness.

An Odd sort of Evening

Tonight was shaping up to be a night just like any other night until something CRAZY happened.

Toby found…wait for it…a cardboard tube.

Formerly known as the inside of a paper towel role, this cardboard tube was IMMEDIATELY transformed into a megaphone and it was announced to all of us that the Henry Family Skating Show was about to begin.

EVERYONE took this seriously. Rob, sitting back in the recliner, volunteered to be the announcer while Mia ran to her room to grab her blankie and Zack pranced around excitedly. I sat back, hoping to get off easy with mere spectator status but was quickly reassured that I had the uber important role of cheer leading and Mia-watching, both of which proved to be arduous and/or critical at various parts of the show.

While Toby regaled us with his various figure skating antics, Mia interpreted the Skating show in her own unique style.

Debriefing the show now, we are still unsure as to what exactly Mia thought was going on. In the end, her shtick included the arduous task of lifting her (fairly heavy and snot laden) blankie onto the living room chair and then standing back and pointing to it while bowing her head repeatedly in gracious acceptance of our puzzled (yet enthusiastic) applause. She followed this act up with a backwards walk into the chair before lowering herself into a seated position. (After which more applause was granted).

Repeat x 10 and you have the gist of what Mia did all evening. Think of it what you may – this was, in Mia’s opinion, a formidable performance, and as she landed each time with a resounding BOUNCE she sported as smile so swollen with pride it almost forgave the crusted snot that encompassed her various facial orifices. Needless to say, we rewarded her peculiar routine with the expected naïve parental laudations of applause and laughter, ensuring for life that she will become a snot-infested narcissist.

Meanwhile, poor Toby was racing by, performing the perilous acts of hardwood floor-sliding and double standing broad jumps, trying desperately to win our approval as the skating show feature performance, while repeatedly being out shone by the random acts of confidence displayed by his sister.

It was a very entertaining evening indeed. But, as it is with all child-centered activities, the Skating Show soon met its eventual and unfortunate ending with an abrupt arrest; Mia touched the forbidden stereo system for the 4^th time (landing herself in timeout) and Toby threw the inevitable hissy fit for not having our undivided attention. As all great things end these days, we had both kids in fervent tears and both parents bemusedly shaking their heads.

And then it was bedtime.

And how was your evening?

The Latest Toby-isms

The other day, enjoying a particularly indulgent March break, I told Rob that I wanted to eat something “light” for lunch. Rob wholeheartedly agreed. Toby, trying to find his place in our adult conversation, nodded his head in agreement and said knowingly, “Yeah. I’ve had too much DARK food lately. Lets have something light.”

After enjoying our “light lunch” (Not dark lunch!) we got back into the car to find the sunroof open. It was 24 degrees out and the beginning of March. (During our absurdly delightful yet slightly terrifying freak March weather…) Can you BLAME me for leaving the sunroof open?!?!? Apparently Rob can. After being appropriately reprimanded for my careless action, I said with exasperation, “Oh come ON, Rob. Do you REALLY think anyone is going to CRAWL through my sunroof and steal our car?”

Rob was silent. I had made my point.

A few minutes later, however, Toby piped up,

“Mommy…” he said with the sweetest of intentions, “GOCHAR could climb through your sunroof!”

Thanks a lot, kid.

And then on a completely different day, in a totally unrelated situation, Toby and I were heading to daycare when he excitedly pointed out of his window and announced that he had seen a SQUIRREL in a TREE!

There are times in life when you have to REMIND yourself that you are a mommy and that even if something doesn’t SEEM exciting on the surface, it is not justification for squelching your 4-year-old's sense of wonder at the world.

And so I tried my best to disregard up all of my I-have-lived-in-Ontario-my-whole-life-and-probably-seen-about-a-thousand-squirrels-in-my-day-and-they-all-look-the-same-to-me-cynicism and said as cheerfully as possible, “Wow. That’s neat, eh?”

“Yes, Mommy!” my excited know-it-all continued, “That one must have just come out of hibernation! That means it must be SPRING!”

And then there are other mommy moments, when your child catches you so off guard that you almost ram your car into the nearest parked tree.

You know, the one with a squirrel in it.